I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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