She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
