Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
