Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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