My nipple is on Facebook.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My vagina is officially offended.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
