dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
