sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.