So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.