is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
