I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
