I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
