i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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