WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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