you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
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there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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