the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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