Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
