Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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