My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
