6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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