So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
