in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
