I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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