Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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