DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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