Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
