it was like eating out sand paper
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
