it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
