i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
