Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
