I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
