some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
