in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
