im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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