My liver just broke up with me...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize