Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Enjoy the penises
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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