It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you never un-have a 4some
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
