you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Randomize
