so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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