my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
