Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
