i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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