need another drink. this is the easiest way
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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