I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
