last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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