it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
