sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
