So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
