Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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