Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
