i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
