I wish life had little blips of pornography
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
