Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
