i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
