I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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