We won't sleep together?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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