he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
